I’ve been getting a lot more romantic offers as of late. When I say offers, I really mean propositions. Let’s be honest: these days, I have to beat these men off with a stick (Ewwww, that sounds really bad!). When I say men, I really mean a married airline pilot, parking lot attendants, fast food employees, homeless men, a tatoo artist on Melrose Avenue, and a 4′ tall Mexican man who followed me around the 99 Cent Only store. Yep, they want me.
I’m no J. Lo, so I couldn’t figure out why I’m suddenly attractive to these freaks. It finally occurred to me that this is not a new phenomenon. Someone is always hitting on me because of the simple fact that I’m a girl. I have a vagina, a heartbeat and and no obvious wedding ring. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get a man’s attention.
As flattering as that is (NOT!), I’m going to have to decline the offers. First, I’m not easy. Second, I’m not a prostitute. Third, if you follow me out to the parking lot again, I will scream, then kick you in the balls. I may be vulnerable these days, but I will not be a victim. Got it?
I am somebody — you best not mess with!
1 comment May 25th, 2005