Idiot Ex Husband .com

Underneath it all

Two weeks ago, my best bud, Jean Luc, asked me to take his precocious five year old daughter, Faith, out for the day. We decided I’d take her to Disneyland. First, we’d meet up for breakfast, then, Faithie and I would head off for Anaheim, CA. She was so excited about the trip, she woke up early that morning. All through breakfast, she asked, ‘When are we going to leave?’ and ‘Flo, can we leave now? Please?’

As we drove down the 5 freeway towards Orange County, I turned the radio up loud. We sang as many songs as we knew and danced in our seats. One of the songs playing that morning was No Doubt’s, “Underneath It All.” Faithie said, “I don’t know why, but this song makes me think of my boyfriend.” Yes, she has a boyfriend. It’s cute and completely innocent. I think I was in my mid-twenties before I had a real boyfriend, but that’s a long story, and not so cute and innocent. But I digress…Cuddling her stuffed animal, Faithie continued, “I’m going to listen to this song and think of my boyfriend. Flo, you can listen to this song, and think of your husband, Endicott.”

For a split second, I did just that.

you’re really lovely underneath it all
you really love me, underneath it all

I remembered sitting at the kitchen table with Endicott right after I told him I was leaving our marriage. At one point, he said, “We have to talk about your Roth IRA.”

I immediately stiffened because I knew what he meant. In my most strident I-swear-to-God-I-will-hurt-you-if-you say-what-I-think-you’re-going-to-say voice, I said, “What about it?”

“Well, half of it is mine…” he tapered off. I’m sure he was frightened off topic by the red glow of fireballs burning in my eyes.

“No. Those funds are mine. Mine. A gift from you to me.” He seemed to want to say more, but didn’t. I continued on my tirade, “It’s not like I’m asking for half of the house, half your retirement or alimony. I just want to take the things I had before we were married, and the gifts I was given during our marriage. That’s it. Unless you want to split everything, don’t ask me about my IRA again! I mean it, Endicott, never again.”

i’m really lucky, underneath it all
you’re really lovely

Four months later, I realized the ‘settlement’ wasn’t going to be enough. It was Endicott’s turn to be pissed. I held my cell phone away from my ear as he yelled,

“As far as I’m concerned, Lady, you stole from me! The money in that IRA was for my retirement, and YOU STOLE IT FROM ME! You took OUR engagement ring – it was half mine, Florence — and YOU STOLE IT FROM ME! You are a horrible person! I treated you so well, and you STOLE FROM ME! You are never going to find anyone who will treat you as well as I did! I was going to take care of you when your arthritis got bad and you were a cripple. No one else would do that for you! You threw away a good thing, Lady!”

I shuddered at the memories. At that moment, driving towards the happiest place on earth, I replayed some of the more miserable moments of my marriage. If I could have erased our seven-year relationship, I would have done it — in a freaking heartbeat.

I checked the rear view mirror. Faithie sang to her stuffed animal, and swayed to the beat of the song. As I watched her, I wished her entire life would be as sweet and filled with love as it was at that moment. I hope she lives her life free of fear, pain, and regrets. I hope she never finds herself wishing she could erase an entire chunk of her history. I only wish that sweet girl the very best life possible.

From now on, that’ll be my goal for myself: a life free of fear, pain and regrets. How can that not be the best life possible?

Best always,
Flo

2 comments June 21st, 2005