Idiot Ex Husband .com

Friends forever

August 7th, 2005

I had lunch with my soon to be ex-husband, Endicott, Friday afternoon. I know, I know…but we have a few unfinished matters to sort through. That’s a whole post all on its own!

Somehow, we got to the topic of ‘our’ friends. Very few of ‘our’ friends stayed neutral. Most picked him or me, depending on who they met first. That’s okay with me — it only makes sense. The one exception to that rule was my girlfriend of fifteen years, Ruth. That defection was the one that really hurt.

Endicott swears up and down that he never said anything bad about me to anyone.
He insists that if anyone refuses to speak to me (read Ruth and her husband) it has nothing to do with him. It happened because one of those persons (Ruth’s husband), “freaks out about everything. That’s the way he is. You know that. ”

I know that when I spoke to Ruth and her husband about my separation from Endicott, I said things weren’t working out between us, Endicott drives me nuts, but I’m okay. I know I made it clear that I wouldn’t harbor any ill will if they stayed in contact with him. I meant it, even though I constantly bit my tongue to keep myself from dumping all my angry, bitter crap onto them.

Knowing Endicott, I’m sure he didn’t do the same thing. I’d bet every lunch or dinner between him and Ruth’s husband was one giant bloodletting. I can imagine him saying all the untrue bullshit he screams at me when I refuse to go back to him. ‘I did everything for her and she didn’t appreciated it. That IRA I put in her name was for MY retirement and she stole it from me. She did nothing, NOTHING, in our relationship. She helped my mother a little, but really she did nothing but shop at Nordstrom’s and buy things.’

Surprise, surprise; after all those meetings, in which Endicott absolutely didn’t say anything bad about me (sure), people stop talking to me.

So when Endicott tried to sell me this latest line of bullshit about everyone turning against me except him — because no matter what happens he’ll always love me - I didn’t feel angry so much as sad. Sad that he doesn’t see that he is trapped in a hell of his own making.

He did say one surprising thing, though. He said Ruth would probably like to hear from me. I replied, “Then she should call me. But she made her choice by picking you over me, instead of both of us. So eff her.”

That stayed in my head all day yesterday, and well into this morning. If she wants to talk to me, why doesn’t she just call me? If she’s nice to me, I’d be nice to her. I sure won’t bring up any unpleasantness from the last eight months of our separation. I’d love to forget the whole seven and a half years of Endicott, but that’ll never happen.

I don’t understand what’s stopping her from calling me, but I do know what’s keeping me from calling her. It’s more than her husband’s disapproval. Its the uncomfortable pauses between us, her judgmental responses to my ideas, and my plans. If she’s really my friend, its hard to tell from my end.

Having said all that, I still miss her. I miss the shorcuts to our shared jokes, and knowing someone that completely gets growing up in Riverside, CA. (In case you don’t know Riverside, you’re missing out on a charming, but seriously boring city for anyone but the senior set. If I had a nickel for every time Ruth and I drove around looking for things to do, I could buy my own charming bungalow in downtown Riverside, near Ruth.)

Mostly grown up, but still missing my friend,
Flo

Entry Filed under: