Archive for November, 2005
Maybe its the holiday season and the stress of prepping for big family gatherings, or maybe its all in my head, but it seems like everyone I know is behaving a little crazy. That includes me, too.
I’m skipping my family’s annual Thanksgiving gathering at my Grandparents’ home. I bailed on last year’s holiday events, too. I missed Thanksgiving dinner, the annual tamales making day in the first week of December (its our own family thing), and Christmas.
I was so bummed out about my separation from my soon to be ex-husband, Endicott, I just couldn’t go. I know it sounds counterintuitive to shun your family when you’re experiencing a personal crisis, but, believe me, at the time it made total sense. The only way I can explain it is like this: sometimes, the people who can hurt you the most, are the ones who know you the best. Any one person in my family could make (what they thought was) an innocent comment that could cut me to the quick.
Then there’s the possibility of Endicott showing up at any moment. I fled to San Diego in hopes of avoiding him and keeping my misery to myself…No, I’m not paranoid: he actually showed up at my grandmother’s house last Christmas Eve, weeks into our separation. With tears in his eyes, he made small-talk with my family while I was nowhere in sight…Ugh.
I’m not ready for any more drama this year, so I’m keeping my crazy self away — again.
I can blame my goofiness on any number of things: money worries (yuk), my impending divorce (ugh), and a complete lack of fun (yes, I’m whinning about my non-existant love life again).
But how do you explain this?
Someone asked me to drive her and her family to the airport because she knows I could use the gas money…Uh, if I was going to do it at all, that chance was blown when she presented it as doing ME a favor. Yeah, like that favor she did for me last week, when she asked me to pick up her daughter, Chelsea, eleven (11) miles from my work. I hung out in the area for an hour and a half waiting to pick her up when I got the call, “Never mind, Flo, I won’t need you to pick up Chelsea after all. I’ll be in the area anyway, so I’m just going to pick her up myself. Sorry it didn’t work out. We’ll get together sometime soon. Thanks, Flo.” Gas money or not, I’m doing YOU a favor. Next time, call a damn cab and leave me out of it.
Flakey “Employer” Number Three (Mr Self-Absorbed Flake Number Two is still AWOL) called today, and, boy, was she pissed: Even though we didn’t have any work scheduled today, I got totally spanked for not being available to pick up her mail right at the moment she called…apparently, she is not “getting my needs met (insert completely unnecessary sigh here)” : I don’t know how to respond to this…I phoned this crazy person several times a week for the last month. She stood me up repeatedly, changed her requests constantly, and, generally, wasted my time. When she finally got her stuff together enough to ‘work,’ it was so I could sort her personal bills and wake her up in time to get to an appointment with a relative. Yes, she begged me to come in to ‘work’ for her, then went back to sleep…Oh! My! Gawd!…She needs a nanny, not an assistant!…My return message to her was something like, ‘My understanding was that we we’re not meeting today, so I didn’t expect to pick up your mail. If you’d like to find someone who is more amenable to your schedule, that’s fine by me. If you need to reach me, feel free to phone me on my cell phone at blah, blah, blah-de-be-blah.” Its not like she paid me for the last month anyway. (FYI, she’s the reason I had such a hard week, so I called my new friend to make me laugh. Ah, well…)
With everyone behaving like freaks, am I the only one who can’t wait for the holidays to be over?
Bah-freaking-hum-bug!
Flo
November 22nd, 2005
I had the best Friday night. It was great because it was in sharp contrast with that same morning and afternoon — which totally sucked!
In the morning, I had to stop by the home of my soon to be ex-husband, Endicott, to pick up my mail and some of my personal belongings. I dreaded that errand for days. I don’t respond well to him. Actually, I kinda freak out. My heart pounds in my chest — and not in a good way! If I’m around him, or even hear his voice, I become instantly upset and sick to my stomach. Yes, I’m one angry person.
The rest of the day, I was sick with worry about money, and impending bills. Thanks to two self-absorbed flakes, who both put off paying me for work, I’m incuring $200 a week in rental car fees. Why am I renting a car? I’m renting because I can’t afford to have my actual car repaired. Why can’t I afford to repair my car (blown headgasket)? Because I haven’t been paid! Neither straightforward requests for money, nor plain ol’ fashioned pleading has worked for me.
There’s also the rent money due on the 30th, and tons of other bills. Thank goodness I have a third job working for a good, reliable man. Without that job, I couldn’t afford the rental car or the gas money that allows me to work for other people who refuse to pay me…Yeah, I’m screwed.
Friday evening, I heard from one of the two flakes. He owes me the most money, so he gets most of my, “I need to be paid NOW!” phone calls. His voice was strained and slurred, with a whole lot of loopiness thrown in. He has hardly slept in days. (Join the freakin’ club!) I don’t remember him actually promising to pay me, but he did say he’d call back the next day. Promise? I asked. “If I don’t,” he replied, “I’m sure you’ll call me!”
Given how many times I’ve been promised payment only to be put off yet again (it’s been three weeks now), I probably shouldn’t have believed him, but I did. I know, I know…but I don’t have many options besides taking him at his word…Except maybe calling him a flake on the Internet!
I hung up the phone, then poured myself a margarita — my favorite drink. I channel surfed through the local PBS stations until I saw Steve Martin — my second favorite comedian, but don’t tell him that! Between clips from his hilarious films, I flipped through my fashion magazines — yep, my favorite pastime. I put my feet up on the couch and finally relaxed.
There’s nothing like a nice buzz, and a quiet evening with an intelligent, laugh out loud funny man (even if he is just on the tv) to put me at ease. It was a perfect evening.
Adios,
Flo
November 20th, 2005
I’ve been a little fixated on my love life as of late. That’s probably because I have NO love life!
Sure, I get hit on all the time, but its almost never from anyone interesting (read: tall, charming, funny, intelligent). Its so rare that I meet that type of man. Well, rare to meet an ‘interesting’ man who’s interested in me in return.
I know I sound really picky, but unlike lots of girls, I couldn’t care less about age, profession and wealth. (If you check my romantic references, you’d KNOW that was an understatement!) I’m easy going that way!
I came close to having a love life again last month. Unfortunately, that opportunity came and went. It’s not entirely clear to me why that ‘I don’t know what to call it’ ended, but I’m pretty sure it was my fault!
If I had to guess, I’d say it was one of two things: either I’m annoying (it’s true, you know) or I’m not an easy going gal in the one way that counts! My best bud, Jean Luc, has a word for it and he’s more than happy to use it: c*cktease.
“Dude,” I protested, “I didn’t do it on purpose!…Okay, obviously not ‘doing it’ was the problem here! But I was totally going to ‘go there!’ I just needed more time. Honest!”
Now with no romantic prospects in the near future, I have plenty of time on my hands. I have soooooooooooooooooo much free time, I’m taking up new hobbies.
Here are some of the things I’ve been doing when I’m not working:
Winemaking — I helped Jean Luc make wine in his garage. Its green, but great. Two years from now, it will rock! Also, I made wine from second pressings. I’m calling it Second Press Vineyards. My slogan is, “Second press, not second best.”
Joining a winemaking club — They had the best dessert wines I’ve EVER had. So yummy!
Reading — the Dave Eggers book, How We Are Hungry, Stories by Dave Eggers.
Cooking — You might want to sell your stock in Taco Bell right now, ‘cuz I’ve finally given up on the Value Menu!
Dancing by myself — I turn on Rhapsody and dance around my apartment. I find Duran Duran, Roxy Music and the Beastie Boys are best for working up a sweat. Bob Dylan and Nick Lowe (his last two albums) are a nice compliment to cooking and doing dishes.
Theatre-going — Okay, it was a performance at a local junior college, but it counts!
Movie-watching — I catch one major release a week. I missed all the good stuff playing at last week’s AFI Festival, but I’ll hit those films when they come out next year. (Dirty, Princess Racoon, F**k, The Libertine, Bam Bam, Ripley, and on and on…)
I have a few more things I hope to add to my ‘new hobbies’ list:
Catching more museum exhibits — Renewing my memberships to LACMA, MOCA, and the Hammer Museum. I had memberships to these three museums for years, but I let them go when I left my soon to be ex-husband, Endicott. I’m dying to get back to them. (I’m still kicking myself for missing Alan Cummings at the Hammer last week. He is so entertaining…oh, and talented, too.)
Hiking — I haven’t hiked, or thought about hiking, in years. My interest returned when I found the book, Day Hiker’s Guide to Southern California, in my apartment.
The S Factor Workout — I’ve wanted to take this class for years. It would be a confidence booster for myself, not a show for anyone. At least, not right now — catch me next year!
Shopping at Loehmann’s — This wouldn’t be a hobby, but more of a special treat every couple of months. I keep hearing about the fabulous finds available there, especially in the way of shoes and lingerie. I only shop at Tar-shay (Target) these days, so I’m more than overdue.
Dating — I know, I know…I’m obviously not ready. But next year, I’ll be back in the game, dammit!
I took up my new hobbies as a way of taking my mind off of men. Funny, sexy, oh so yummy men…So far, it’s working…a little bit.
Who am I kidding?
Flo
November 14th, 2005
Sorry I haven’t written in awhile. I’ve been busy working. I take breaks to eat and sleep, but that’s not much fun! I did squeeze in the German comedy, “The Wedding Party,” shown as a part of the AFI Festival playing at the ArcLight Cinemas in Hollywood, California. That two hour reprieve is as much fun as I get these days!
I’ve been occupied with work, so I haven’t had the chance to answer an email I received from my friend, Ruth, last Friday. You remember her, right? Check out this previous posts for an overview.
Here’s what she wrote:
Thu, 3 Nov 2005 10:06:50 -0800 (GMT-08:00)
Hey Flo,
Long time, no…anything…
Where are you? How are you doing?
You were going to call me back after NAB (National Association of Broadcasters) in April and I never heard back - that’s a real long time ago. Yeah, yeah, I never called you either, but you have to admit things were kind of weird.
Just thinking about you lately.
Hope you are well.
It was nice to hear from her…mostly. I know it’s petty, but I have a small issue with the, “Yeah, yeah, I never called you either, but you have to admit things were kind of weird,’ part.
I don’t disagree with that assessment, things were definitely weird and awkward between us after I left Endicott. The irritating part is that I know she and her husband had no problem staying in touch with my soon to be ex-husband, Endicott. Actually, it was more like dinners and sleep overs at Endicott’s house. Yet, somehow they lost touch with me.
I just don’t understand how they could pick him over me. It’s not like I bad-mouthed him to any of our friends. (Yes, I know that’s hard to believe given how I post angry stories of our divorce on the internet. I pursued this outlet several months into our separation because I felt no one in my life understood — or wanted to hear about — my feelings or my situation.) When anyone asked, “What happened?” I replied, “He’s a good person, but I can’t be with him. Don’t let our breakup change anything between you.”
I guess I should have said, “Don’t let our breakup change anything between us.”
I suppose it’s very woulda/coulda/shoulda of me to dwell on the past; especially her decisions which I had no control over. The important thing now is to decide if I want to be friendly with Ruth again.
Definitely maybe,
Flo
November 9th, 2005