Got you on my mind

January 27th, 2006

I’ve been busy lately. I have several deadlines — some self-inflicted, others thrust upon me — in my near future. I think it’s pretty obvious by now, I don’t deal well with stress. My heart races, and I feel a tightness in my chest. The only thing that seems to help is Xanax. But that’s worthy of a separate post all its own.

One of my deadlines hits tomorrow. I am sooooooooooooooooooooo far from meeting it that its kinda making me sick. For once, I can say its not my entirely fault, but that really doesn’t matter ‘cuz a deadline is a deadline. Either meet it, or get the flip out of the way so someone else can get it done.

I’m here at my boss’ house, waiting for a birthday party to start. All the guests, save the birthday girl, have yet to arrive. All I can think about is the pain in my chest, when I wonder if anyone left a message on my cell phone.

The reception here is spotty, so I developed a little ritual of checking my messages twice a day. I usually do it every four hours. About ten minutes ago, I checked my voicemail to hear my three messages.

The first two were from Sherman Oaks Florist. They have a delivery for me. The last time they phoned me was almost a month ago on my birthday.

I was having a nice mojito buzz during lunch with my friend Lulu (tonight’s birthday girl) when I got their call. “When will you be home to receive the flowers?” I wasn’t sure. But out of curiousity (’cuz I almost never get anything delivered) I asked for the name of the sender.

So tonight it was the same thing. “Could you please tell me the name of the sender?” The very nice florist replied, “It’s from Endicott. The card says, ‘Happy Anniversary!’”

I had almost the same reaction as I did last month when he sent me a big, beautiful lily for my birthday: I wanted to cry.

Last month, I weaved through the restaurant, slowly made my way into the bathroom and locked myself in a stall for ten minutes. Tonight, I don’t have that luxury, so I’m going to be a big girl and suck it up. Why bum everyone else out ‘cuz of my stupid drama? Besides, my (sixth) wedding anniversary is tomorrow. I can cry all I went then.

Upon hearing Endicott’s name and his message, I responded with an, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” The florist asked, “Forgot your anniversary, huh?”

I smiled ‘cuz yes, I actually did. “Well…something like that.”

“Believe me,” he chuckled, “I’ve heard them all.”

Yep, forgot my wedding anniversary. I’d feel bad except for the fact that I’m divorcing my husband…who was sweet enough to still send me flowers….Gawd, I suck.

So guess the next phone message…

Nope, not from my soon to be ex-husband, Endicott. It was actually from someone I met in mid-December. He called yesterday to ask me out on a lunch date this weekend. His message this evening was to firm up our plans. I wanted to meet on Sunday. Sunday doesn’t work for him, he wants to meet Saturday instead.

Now that I’m feeling sad and sick to my stomach, I’m thinking lunch this weekend just won’t happen. I have some serious work (and probably sulking) ahead of me in the near future.

Happy Anniversary, Endicott,
Flo