Archive for February, 2006
I’m having an arthritis flare-up right now — that means five, sheesh, maybe six days of increased joint and muscle inflammation that’s knocking me out — so I’m not really in the mood to write, converse, exchange emails, etc., etc. Basically, I’m NOT myself.
I apologize for this disruption in our regularly scheduled blog, but I feel like stir-fried sh*t. Every muscle in my 5′ 10″ is achy, swollen, and in a slow throb. (No, that’s not a good thing!) Consequently, this little slice of heaven I call IXH (idiotexhusband.com) is going have to wait.
As I right this, I’m under the influence of 800mg of Ibuprofren, 350mg of Soma, and three — oopsie, now it’s four — glasses of wine. Oh yes, I also watched the Bill Murray/Harold Ramis (gawd, was he an underrated hottie or has the inflammation spread to my brain?) classic, “Stripes,” to cheer me up. It TOTALLY worked its magic on me!
Though I can still feel the stinging everywhere that marks my arthritis inflammation, I don’t really care ‘cuz I have a major buzz and I’m playing my favorite songs on Rhapsody. (No, I don’t have an affiliate account yet, so I’m not being paid for this, dammit). Oh, yes, Babyface’s jam, “There She Goes,” and the cheap-ass Rosemount Estate 2004 Shiraz Cabernaet are cheering me up immensely, so I’m good for now. (Next is, “More Than a Woman,” from Aaliyah, then, “Lovely Day,” by Bill Withers, and, “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?” by Bill Withers…Yes, totally conducive to vegging/passing out.)
Even if my doctor fits me into her schedule this week, and I get prescriptions for some kick-tuchus meds, I have several days before this crap clears up. We’re talking almost a week before I’m back to normal…Holy crap!
So until then, I will throw you a bone I’ve never thrown before and include a self-portrait, so you won’t miss me over the next several days. Enjoy!
Yours truly,
Flo
February 22nd, 2006
Endicott responded to the short email I sent to him yesterday. You know, the one in which I threatened him with bodily harm if he dared to approach me on Valentine’s Day…Apparently, I overreacted. He wasn’t interested in a passionate reconciliation over whipped cream and lingerie. It was a purely practical matter, involving money and twice and thrice billed medical expenses.
And I, ladies and gentleman, am a total idiot. Read it fo’ yo’self:
To: Flo
From: Endicott
Subject: Re: don’t even THINK about it
Date: Fri, 10 Feb 2006 16:06:19 -0500
Dear F:
Don’t jump to conclusions.
Thursday, I have class and it’s always a compact day. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I got physical therapy so those days get cut in half; so Tuesdays are the only day I can spend time on the extra stuff. Tuesday I was planning a meeting with Human Resources…to go through the lovely (medical) bills again.
I don’t know where you work, but what I wanted to find out if you have fax access and if it was appropriate to call during your work hours so we could conference call so we can move on those letters for the medical billing. I don’t know what or how you do your job…I never wanted to ask because I don’t want to pry, and I’ll I know is from the blog that some jerks stiffed you…and that was the only time I called so if you needed somebody to lean on them and get your money I was offering that or some other way to help. That was the one univited call I made over all this time. I called today (prior to checking my email and after our good in-person meeting of Monday) only to confirm the fax info.
I have certain time constraints because as I have mentioned we are changing our benefits plan. 1) We now have from middle of the month to the first week of March to make benefits decsions. That is only three weeks (which translates to only 3 Tuesdays including next Tuesday) . Also I wanted to fax you the benefits plan stuff so you could look it over. It’s not like I can come come home and say, “Hey honey, look these over and tell me what you think?”
Because of this situation our mutual decsions take longer. Because of your special health needs, I wanted your participation in these decisions. I wanted to chat with you about if you have talked to Dr. Bulpit, is he (with) Kaiser or what?
2) My concern is once we switch we will get zero help from Blue Cross Blue Shields with UCLA billing, etc., etc.
When I first saw your e mail, I did not know what you were talking about until I read the blog. I thought you were just repeating your joke from Monday night.
On your birthday and our anniversary, I did not ask your permission to send you stuff and telegraph it, I just did it, because I wanted to do it. So why would I ask you on Valentine’s? My MO is I would just do it.
When you called out of the blue and wanted to work together on the (medical billing) letters, you obviously gave it some thought and I was totally unprepared. Yet, you came over and we hashed out the letters and talked and had a good time (despite the occasional crankiness due to pain which is totally understandable) and chatted and we were both very civil and nice to each other (all I have ever wanted), we almost went out for a bite, and even when you departed I was very happy you left with a smile and a laugh.
But according to you their is a jackass in this relationship, but my dear, I’m afraid it’s you.
Next time you want to know what I’m thinking why don’t you have the courtesy to ask me directly. I don’t make assumptions about you and I respect your privacy and don’t make judgements about your character.
Now, do I think you are ever coming back? Unlikely. Do I still care for you? Absolutely. Do I hope we can be friends and get past this uncomftable phase? I really hope so.
Love,
E
PS Happy Valentine’s Day
February 10th, 2006
I received the following email from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, Endicott:
From: Endicott
To: Flo
Date: Thu, 09 Feb 2006 18:14:32 -0500
Are you at home or office this Tuesday?
I thought, “Don’t you mean next Tuesday? I’m at home and the office every Tuesday.” I was about to type that into the reply window when I realized next Tuesday is Valentine’s Day…Yes, I am that slow.
It’s one thing to send me flowers on my birthday. I let the anniversary bouquet go without a fight, even though it was a sad reminder of what we lost. But a gift on Valentine’s Day is not okay. It’s so far from okay, that I am at a loss for words over the fact that I actually have to explain to Endicott that this is not acceptable. Should I really have to explain this? Doesn’t everyone just instinctively know that it’s not okay to send your separated spouse a present on Valentine’s Day? If we ever ACTUALLY celebrated our love on that day, the present might almost be acceptable…No, I take it back — it will never again be acceptable to send me a Valentine’s Day gift.
So, yes, I was instantly annoyed by the email. It evaporated any goodwill I’ve felt towards Endicott recently (that lasted a record breaking six days), so I sent the following email response:
From: Flo
To: Endicott
Subject: don’t even THINK about it
Date: Fri, 10 Feb 2006 01:15:41 -0500
Don’t you dare!
He better not visit/call/send/order/inquire/f*cking think about making any gesture towards me on Valentine’s Day. If he does visit/call/send/order/inquire/f*cking even breathe in my general direction, bad things will happen…Do you hear me, Endicott?
Don’t even think about it, Jackass!
Flo
February 9th, 2006
My soon to be ex-husband, Endicott, has been in touch with me via email. He writes me updates regarding some billing issues we have with the UCLA Medical Center.
We keep getting billed and rebilled for some of my old arthritis treatments rom 2002. Each time this happens, Endicott gets his Human Resources people to straighten out the billing mistakes at UCLA. The UCLA people vow to change their ways, say everything is fine…And then the collection agency calls to collect on our “outstanding medical bills.†Yes, the brain trust running the billing department at UCLA suck. Consequently, Endicott and I hate them.
At the same time, I’m still a patient at UCLA. I’ve seen rheumatologists there since 1998 to treat my moderate case of Rheumathoid Arthritis. My former rheumatologist, Dr. Bulpitt, was so compassionate, and caring, that when he left UCLA several years ago for a new job with Kaiser Permanente, Endicott and I actually discussed changing medical coverage so I could continue my treatments with him.
I’m not sure what is going on at UCLA’s Medical Center, but the atmosphere seems to be changing for the worse. The billing problems aside, the staff seems overworked, the waiting areas are more crowded, and nowadays, I can’t even get a call back when I page my doctor.
So imagine how I reacted when I got this email from Endicott last week:
To: Flo
From: Endicott
Thu, 26 Jan 2006 19:08:35 -0500
The new UCLA bill is in, a completely different issue, and I’ll be paying it. There was $11,000 plus in chemo/oncology for the the end of 2005. Blue Cross paid $8,000 and the remaining amount got negotiated down. My concern is that this sounds pretty serious health wise, so please let me know how you are doing.
When I read that, I think I actually stopped breathing for a few seconds! Once the shock wore off, I was almost in tears.
I’ve been on and off all the new arthritis medications over the years. They either don’t work or, in the case of Enbrel, they do work but I HATE them. It wasn’t just the twice weekly injections I had to give myself that sucked. It was the bruising over my legs (my injection site), having to stop the medication every time I had a cold (infections can be fatal while using Enbrel). God forbid, I came into contact with anyone who had the flu. The recurring yeast infections (thanks to my lowered immune system) didn’t exactly endear me to the drug either. As much as that drug sucked (for me), it was still better than many of the other drugs used to treat the disease.
Recently, my doctor suggested I try a new drug called Remicade. It was expensive, but many patients in the rheumatology department have had success using it. I remember asking about the cost of this drug, but only in general terms. “Is it comparable, in cost, to Enbrel?†I asked. My doctor nodded, then said, “Yes.†(FYI, without medical coverage, Enbrel used to be about $1200 a month. My pharmacy co-pay for that drug was $6.00.)
Upsetting email point number one: How exactly is $11,000 comparable to $4800 ($1200 a month x four months)? Here’s the bigger question, how the f*ck could four treatments of Remicade cost $11,000 and NO ONE thought to mention the $3,000 lapse in coverage?
Upsetting email point number two: Endicott thinks I have cancer.
All my remicade treatments were administered in the oncology center at UCLA. Before each appointment, someone called my home phone to remind me of the appointment. I asked them a million freakin times to remove Endicott’s home phone from my files, but it has yet to happen. So guess what happened when he listens to his messages and hears, “This is a reminder for Flo. Flo, you have a treatment scheduled at the CANCER CENTER at UCLA tomorrow…â€
The first time he mentioned the call in an email, I thought, “It’s none of his damn business, if I’m sick or not. I don’t owe him an explanation.â€
Two weeks later, there was another email regarding another appointment. At that time, I thought, “Oh, this sounds bad! I better tell him I’m okay. I’ll send him an email tomorrow.†As quickly as it came into my head, it went right back out.
A month later, another appointment comes up, along with another concerned email. Again, I completely flaked out on writing him, until the email from last Thursday.
Given the strained relationship we have these days — and the incredibly thoughtless way I reacted to 1) my medical bills, 2) his concern for my health — it was mighty big of Endicott to help me. He didn’t have to pay my medical bills. He could have let me swing in the wind! He didn’t have to be as thoughtul and considerate as he has been recently.
When I left him a voicemail message apologizing for the mess I made of this medical situation, he didn’t have to write this email:
To: Flo
From: Endicott
Date: Mon, 30 Jan 2006 03:11:43 -0500
Dear Flo,
I got your phone message over the weekend. My goal was not to stress you out more about money. I was really concerned that something was seriously wrong.
So first of all, happy news. You don’t have cancer (knock on wood). That is great. Every other problem pales in comparison.
Second of all, did the arthritis treatments work? Did it help? Any relief from pain? Did I mention I am sooooo relieved you aren’t undergoing some cancer treatment (knock again on wood).
Third of all, the collection agency and UCLA were actually able to greatly reduce this balance. So money is money, but what the flip, it’s only money. Cancer negatori, wood knocking on the rise.
Yes, Endicott is a good man…Feel free to remind me of this fact the next time I get annoyed and call him a jackass.
Thank you, Endicott,
Flo
February 3rd, 2006